the never ending sorry

For more than a month, my mind has been circling and thinking. I feel like I am the most wanted person in the world. I also feel like I am the biggest deception in the world for the people who counted on me. The place where I really wanted to be seems to fade away because I am not able to see things the right way. I am a very positive person when it comes to other people but not for myself. It was not my fault that these unfair things happened to me but it is my fault if I don’t get over it. I want to be happy but when it happens, it scares me beyond understanding. Thinking of my future job makes me smile. And smiling about it makes me feel like a betrayor. I loved so much when I used to smile every morning, thinking of my job.

I am a living paradox. I cannot get my mind right and I hate that.